i think there's something wrong with my sleeping habits. it could be the way my bedroom blocks out sunlight or i have some sleep disorder. just keep sleeping for long long hours. i need to follow a regular sleeping and waking up time from now on to try and see if my condition improves.
the next stage of improvement i need to figure out myself. i want to play in the 70s from now on. but it's hard when i feel no motivation to go and practice. it's a complicated situation that i don't really know how to explain yet. release my fear of making plans because i fear not following through with it.
at least one consoling point i got from bob rotella is about perfectionism. i want to be perfect so i get really upset when i don't play golf the way i know i can or don't hit as well as i want to. then the more i feel that i'm not perfect the more impatient i get and then there's this downward spiral that makes me less and less committed to the process of improvement.
i remember i had a panic attack before an exam because i was so scared i wouldn't do well and let everyone down. maybe i'm having recurring feelings. so many people believe in me to do well and think i can but i myself doubt the possibility of being the best and then the fear is worsened because i think i can't live up to their expectations.
so this next stage is something i have to figure out and figure out fast in order to get back on track. i can do it !
i don't give up !
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