no more waiting for a magic sign that will spur you to action. No more waiting to feel more motivated. you can change how you feel in a split second. Everything is a choice. 'today no good doesn't mean everyday no good' someone told me that.
Do I sound like I have split personalities because I'm optimistic one post and downcast another? If I do. You're wrong. Everyone goes through ups and downs. You can't expect someone to be smiling constantly. They'd be faking.
In golf, you cannot avoid making mistakes so you try to minimise how bad the mistakes are. It's the same in life.
I don't expect people to empathize with what I go through because it would be expecting too much. Maybe that's my problem. I'm working on that.
So tomorrow is a new beginning for golf morale. I hope I'm not too excited that I can't fall asleep. Sweet dreams wherever you are in the world.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
demoralization and reorganization
it seems like I haven't smiled voluntarily for awhile. That I've been walking with my head down and eyes glued to the floor. Suddenly i feel like people want me to be what I'm not. At least not yet. Want me to be just a regular person and not just playing golf everyday. Want me to be a beer golfer. Its just so confusing hearing so many voices. So many differing opinions. Like going to 5 different coaches and reading books too. I've been feeling so lousy and lost. It's no one's fault but my own. I'm unhappy and I don't know how to make myself feel better but at least I'm trying. The answer will come soon.then it'll be a eureka moment.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
what is my purpose in life
it sounds so cliche. what is this? A mid-teen crisis? Yes everyone probably goes through it but i thought i was already over that phase. Why am i back to living meaningless days that i can't even get my ass out of bed. feel like i don't have control over my life. Feel so lost. stupid dreams that don't even seem reachable anymore. at least some light is appearing this 'morning'
Melbourne Day 5 thoughts
The best advice my dad gave me before the trip is that no one is going to encourage you so you have to encourage yourself. when i feel sad and inferior to others, i'll remind myself of this and then work on telling myself i am the best !
Melbourne Day 4 thoughts
the cold can do funny things to you. especially when it's rainig and windy at the same time. It's day 3 and i just played 80 yesterday and was super pumped to play a good round today. but the weather made me go crazy. no, not in the psycho way. but in the way you start thinking up nonsense stuff and can't really feel your body. i can't believe i actually started crying somewhere on the 13th hole. not even sure why i was making myself feel miserable. i knew i was playing quite well but the wind was taking my putts to insanity land.
the wind blew so strong that the flag pole was bending over. putting against the wind means you have to smash it or it'll go nowhere and if you are putting with tail wind, just a little tap will make the ball fly wayyyy past.
thats the thing about playing golf with really strong wind. it not only affects cflub selection, but even affects your putt. it even makes your putting stroke feel different. when there is immense tailwind, it takes alot of effort to bring your putter back and then when you stroke through the putt, the wind doubles the strength you intended.
i hit so many good shots, but missed so many little putts. aiish
The good part about the cold is that i couldn't really feel my body moving and i just let it go. there was this smoot rhythm that just came naturally without any effort. i want to hit shots like that when i go back to singapore.
furthermore, it was awesome because i transcended the whiny-ness and just had this very zen-like calmness about the situation. i was so in the moment that i was enjoying the frozen-fingers-cold because i was playing well.
star moment was on the 2nd tee when it started hailing as i was about to tee off. ice hit my face like shards of glass and i still hit a smokin- tee shot. whoo ! take that weather !! you will not bring me down !
i started on a really good roll. but halfway through i began thinking mean thoughts to myself. things that were very un-loving towards me and i didn't need them. but thats just a process i face. my mind went off on a roller-coaster ride and eventually i managed to get my head back on top of my neck.
at the end of the day, i'm only going to remember the awesome shots i hit and the good putts i saved for bogey. and especially how i played from that wonderful place inside. no worries, no fear, no cold, no warmth, just smooth rhythm and a calm peaceful mind to play my best. tomorrow is another day. i will play my best score tomorrow in bad conditions because i am awesome !
the wind blew so strong that the flag pole was bending over. putting against the wind means you have to smash it or it'll go nowhere and if you are putting with tail wind, just a little tap will make the ball fly wayyyy past.
thats the thing about playing golf with really strong wind. it not only affects cflub selection, but even affects your putt. it even makes your putting stroke feel different. when there is immense tailwind, it takes alot of effort to bring your putter back and then when you stroke through the putt, the wind doubles the strength you intended.
i hit so many good shots, but missed so many little putts. aiish
The good part about the cold is that i couldn't really feel my body moving and i just let it go. there was this smoot rhythm that just came naturally without any effort. i want to hit shots like that when i go back to singapore.
furthermore, it was awesome because i transcended the whiny-ness and just had this very zen-like calmness about the situation. i was so in the moment that i was enjoying the frozen-fingers-cold because i was playing well.
star moment was on the 2nd tee when it started hailing as i was about to tee off. ice hit my face like shards of glass and i still hit a smokin- tee shot. whoo ! take that weather !! you will not bring me down !
i started on a really good roll. but halfway through i began thinking mean thoughts to myself. things that were very un-loving towards me and i didn't need them. but thats just a process i face. my mind went off on a roller-coaster ride and eventually i managed to get my head back on top of my neck.
at the end of the day, i'm only going to remember the awesome shots i hit and the good putts i saved for bogey. and especially how i played from that wonderful place inside. no worries, no fear, no cold, no warmth, just smooth rhythm and a calm peaceful mind to play my best. tomorrow is another day. i will play my best score tomorrow in bad conditions because i am awesome !
Melbourne Day 1 first thoughts
We've just arrived in Melbourne. came out of the airport. it's 8 degrees. mist forms when you breathe out. i almost forgot how nice the cold weather is. I have so many mixed feelings about this city. So many things happened here in Melbourne. I've spent 20% of my life so far in this place. So many stories to tell from my 4 years and this trip is going to create more stories and more exciting things to share about the beautiful place called Melbourne.
Now we're driving past college square, it's raining and i'm thinking of the few times it's rained when i was living there. on familiar streets, everything that has happened seems so near yet so far.
no matter what, i resolve to do my best and work hard on this trip. play my best scores and do what i'm capable of. awesome-ness is out ! you can do it shuyan !!
Now we're driving past college square, it's raining and i'm thinking of the few times it's rained when i was living there. on familiar streets, everything that has happened seems so near yet so far.
no matter what, i resolve to do my best and work hard on this trip. play my best scores and do what i'm capable of. awesome-ness is out ! you can do it shuyan !!
lowest score of 78 !!
so many reasons for playing my best score ever today. its 4 strokes lower than my previous best score of 82 and on the same course. so many things were just right and i really believed in every shot and stayed committed to the entire round, bringing my thoughts back to the present instead of wondering about my possible final score.
it's my first time breaking 80 and i look forward to more more amazing scores to come !
i'm sooo excited to hit my next lowest score :)
it's my first time breaking 80 and i look forward to more more amazing scores to come !
i'm sooo excited to hit my next lowest score :)
neglect and wise words
i feel like i've neglected this blog. since i've came back from melbourne, the days have been such a blur and i find myself tired all the time. the inability to upload my posts that i stored in my handphone during the trip has made me very frustrated.
i'm older and wiser and should know better that the first sign of lethargy and annoyance means that i need to clear up my room and mop the floor. it's a hazard of moving from a brand new apartment back to a house that is more than 10 years old.
i realise that i've not been as happy as i usually am. what happened to the drive and motivation? i admire the people who wake up early every morning. not the people like me who say they want to wake up at 7am but snooze till noon. no admiration for myself, but i also shouldn't be so harsh. i wish i were a robot that can be programmed to go to bed at a certain time and wake up when the alarm rings.
maybe the past week just has not been very good for me. i feel lazy, feel fat, feel unloved, feel pimply, feel alot of not so good things.
the focus is on how to create a new improved system that can make my life better, more goal-driven, more fulfilling and not wallowing in how lousy i feel.
i think i'll just have to retype out my posts which i am not excited about doing at all. but at least i'll probably feel accomplished after doing so.
i'm older and wiser and should know better that the first sign of lethargy and annoyance means that i need to clear up my room and mop the floor. it's a hazard of moving from a brand new apartment back to a house that is more than 10 years old.
i realise that i've not been as happy as i usually am. what happened to the drive and motivation? i admire the people who wake up early every morning. not the people like me who say they want to wake up at 7am but snooze till noon. no admiration for myself, but i also shouldn't be so harsh. i wish i were a robot that can be programmed to go to bed at a certain time and wake up when the alarm rings.
maybe the past week just has not been very good for me. i feel lazy, feel fat, feel unloved, feel pimply, feel alot of not so good things.
the focus is on how to create a new improved system that can make my life better, more goal-driven, more fulfilling and not wallowing in how lousy i feel.
i think i'll just have to retype out my posts which i am not excited about doing at all. but at least i'll probably feel accomplished after doing so.
staying in the present during the golf game part 1
how to stay in the present during your golf game when you have a song stuck in your head
have you ever had a song stay in your head all throughout your golf game. even if it's just the chorus or 2 lines, it won't get out of your mind. and even when you try to block it out before taking your shot, it almost immediately starts playing in your head right after the golf ball leaves your club face.
have you ever had a song stay in your head all throughout your golf game. even if it's just the chorus or 2 lines, it won't get out of your mind. and even when you try to block it out before taking your shot, it almost immediately starts playing in your head right after the golf ball leaves your club face.
when i hear a nice song and listen to it so much that i know the tune and can recite the lyrics, i didn't expect that it would lead to consequences on the golf course.
During the SLGA amateur open, i had to come up with a way to successfully block the songs blasting in my head while keeping its usefulness in keeping my mind free in between shots.
1. observe the things around you - keep it specific
eg: I see a tree with red leaves, I see a bird cleaning itself
2. note the sounds you can hear
eg: i hear heavy traffic, i hear a woodpecker
it's a great way to stay in the present because you bring your attention back to the shot at hand.
During the SLGA amateur open, i had to come up with a way to successfully block the songs blasting in my head while keeping its usefulness in keeping my mind free in between shots.
1. observe the things around you - keep it specific
eg: I see a tree with red leaves, I see a bird cleaning itself
2. note the sounds you can hear
eg: i hear heavy traffic, i hear a woodpecker
it's a great way to stay in the present because you bring your attention back to the shot at hand.
Friday, June 4, 2010
staying in the present during the golf game
staying in the present is a big part of the golf game. you read in alot of books teaching about the mental aspect of golf. its sounds so straightforward because we can only live in the present moment so why is it often so hard to keep your mind in the present during your golf game?
because our mind is always moving. we are always processing information. we are continuously taking in our surroundings and analysing our situation. it allows us to assess our ball position, whether there is wind, whether we are standing on a slope etc. however, it also leads us to analyse our standing in the golf game, so we count how many over par we are, how many pars we want to hit etc.
however, the awesome thing about our mind is that we can control our thoughts. we can decide which thoughts we want to place our focus on and which types of things to analyse.
in this upcoming series, i will describe 3 common ways our mind wanders from the present moment and how to bring it back.
do you read about staying in the present and then feel motivated to start doing it on the golf course ??
do you then start to let your mind wander after hitting a few bad shots?
if you do, then it is because you have not mastered HOW TO STAY IN THE PRESENT
because our mind is always moving. we are always processing information. we are continuously taking in our surroundings and analysing our situation. it allows us to assess our ball position, whether there is wind, whether we are standing on a slope etc. however, it also leads us to analyse our standing in the golf game, so we count how many over par we are, how many pars we want to hit etc.
however, the awesome thing about our mind is that we can control our thoughts. we can decide which thoughts we want to place our focus on and which types of things to analyse.
in this upcoming series, i will describe 3 common ways our mind wanders from the present moment and how to bring it back.
do you read about staying in the present and then feel motivated to start doing it on the golf course ??
do you then start to let your mind wander after hitting a few bad shots?
if you do, then it is because you have not mastered HOW TO STAY IN THE PRESENT
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